Not a Sequel ***
"Oh my God, it's an unbidden erection!"
Jack woke with a start, the all-too-familiar words echoing in his head. He'd
been having the same dream ever since his somewhat confusing chat with Carter:
There he was, in the middle of giving a briefing to a room full of short
dogs, when Siler walked in carrying a large wrench-shaped donut. Suddenly he was
in his underwear with an unmistakable tingling in his, uh, naughty bits. That's
when Siler yelled those horrible words.
Goddammit.
Jack stumbled from his bedroom towards the kitchen, muttering to the floor.
He was almost certain this all had to do with his little revelation. That'd
teach him to ever do that sharing crap again. But dream Siler needed to stop.
Now.
Jack made a detour towards the phone and hit number seven on the speed dial.
He didn't have to wait long before a tired, and perhaps a little pissed off,
voice sounded on the other end.
"Hello, sir. The donut again?"
"Yeah, I..."
"Sir? I'm gonna be frank. You need to get laid. I have neither the time nor
the patience to deal with this. Go. See. Anise. She's easy. You may learn
something, then again it may end up killing you. Either way I'm gonna get some
sleep out of it."
Jack wrinkled his brow. "Easy?"
Carter sighed. "Yes, sir."
He shifted from one foot to the other, the creases in his forehead deepening.
"Laid?"
"Oh good God."
The line went dead.
Damn, for someone who never slept, she was cranky at 3 a.m. But if Carter
told him to see Anise, he should see Anise. After all, Carter was smart. Jack
hit the five on his speed dial.
"This is Colonel O'Neill. I need the control room."
Circle of stone, circle of steel, I want to ride in an iron wheel...
Jack winced. Whoever decided on Jefferson Starship for their hold music
should be shot.
"Montwrol woom."
"Ex...cuse me? Who is this?"
Jack heard loud chewing and then swallowing. "Sorry, sir. Had my mouth full.
This is Siler."
Jack blanched and gripped the phone.
"Hello? Sir? Are you there?"
"What...what were you eating?" Jack managed in a hoarse whisper, shivering
slightly at his lack of clothing except his underwear.
"Uh, just a donut, sir. Sir? Did you need something?"
Jack blinked at the wall, like a deer caught in the headlights.
Something twitched.
"NO." He slammed down the phone.
Goddamn tingling.
***
not by Michelle V.
c. November
2004
Once upon a time,
there was a woman named nanda who liked people to pronounce it nahnda. One day
invaders from the land of Virginites stormed the castle in the kingdom of
Nandaverse. They demanded that nanda be pronounced nanda and not nahnda. Oh and
writeavirgin!jackfic. Unrelenting, day after day they would pound away with
Is it fic yet? Is it fic yet? Finally, the fair maiden succumbed.
And there
was parody. And it was good.
For many years the Nandaverse lived in peace. But one chilly day in
November, her enemies rose up once more, demanding a sequel. However since there
was a shoe sale, she dispatched her court jester to deal with it.
And there was parody once again.