Jack stared at the crashed alien ship. Unfortunately, they had spotted the thing immediately upon stepping through the gate. This was *so* not good. He nervously eyed his 2IC.
Oh man, she was actually, physically licking her lips.
"Sir, request permission to…" Sam's voice faded away as she ran to the ship.
Damn.
Hopefully the thing didn't belong to anyone. Well, anyone living.
Jack walked around to the back of the ship with Teal'c, Jonas and the FRED in tow just in time to hear a stranger talking to Carter.
"My name is Aden Corso and this is my crew," the man said, his eyes darting back and forth. "We crashed here and have been trying to avoid some pretty nasty aliens."
Jack looked around but saw nothing. Great. Aliens paranoid about other aliens that weren't there. "Where are they?"
"They're, um, hiding right now," said Corso.
"Uh huh. Sure." Jack tried to ignore Carter who was opening up her toolbox.
"Really! They must be sleeping or something," the man insisted.
"Whatever you say, buddy."
"Look, we could really use some help fixing our ship."
Sam set down her plasma cutter and grinned. "Sure, I'd be happy to help."
Jack shook his head. Help from Sam "I can strip down a MALP in twenty seconds" Carter. "Yeah, we'll go keep an eye out for those aliens," he offered. Non-existent though they may be.
*
Jack walked up to Teal'c. "So what happened to Jonas?"
"Jonas Quinn is with Tanis Reynard at the SGC."
"Tanis is a she, right?"
"Yes."
"Oh boy."
"Indeed."
"I mean, I've heard the rumors…"
"They are correct. Jonas Quinn is, in fact, the base slut."
"So he's really taking over Daniel's job, huh?"
Teal'c nodded.
Jack grimaced as he watched Carter point behind Corso using the classic "look behind you" move and start throwing parts into the FRED while his back was turned.
"Teal'c, when did I lose control?"
Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "At what time did you ever have control over the junior members of SG-1, O'Neill?"
"I had control."
"If that is what you must believe."
Jack watched Carter, no longer fooling Corso, give up, pull out her zat and shoot him.
The only upside of this whole thing was that whenever Carter "found" alien technology and hauled it back through the gate, she was extremely, uh, frisky. Okay, so she was all over him. And under...well, let's just say he hadn't stopped smiling for two weeks after she had liberated the stash of Naquadria that they had discovered on Kelowna.
The majority of the ship had already been carted back through the gate before Corso woke up. The innards of the ship, at least - the hull was still there, although it didn't look all that stable. The man stumbled over to Carter who was just about ready to sprint through the gate.
"You're leaving?" he asked.
She shifted her eyes nervously. "Um, yeah. I'm needed back home. For things. And stuff."
"Well, it certainly was a pleasure meeting you, Samantha," said Corso, taking her hand.
She gave him her most charming smile. "I really hope this isn't goodbye."
Teal'c and Jack froze.
Dead man walking. She *had* to do it. She had to go that one extra step.
Sure, the guy was probably secretly an Aschen, or a Replicator, or maybe even a Furling. Jack leaned over a bit to look for a tail. But still, the guy had no idea what had just happened to him.
Poor dumb bastard.
Jack heard Corso sigh after the wormhole disengaged behind Carter.
Every time! Why?! Maybe he should start making her wear a sign.
WARNING
Having any type of alien crush, or even saying the word "Samantha" in my presence, may be hazardous to your health.
One of the crewmembers ran up to Corso. "Sir, the aliens are back!"
Jack turned to Teal'c. "So T, head back home or watch an alien pissing match?"
"I believe I would like to watch aliens piss."
"Well said."
Jack and Teal'c found a nice grassy spot on the hill to watch the show. Little bit of shade. Birds twittering above them. Really, it was quite lovely.
"This is *our* ship and you can't have it," Corso argued.
"Like hell! You *so* know it's ours," the new alien countered.
Jack really didn't know where these other aliens came from, and frankly, he didn't care. They were looking a little too much like mutants for his taste.
"Well, I don't see your name on it!"
"We called dibs!"
"Did not!"
"Yah huh!"
Little did they know they were arguing over an empty shell.
"You'll take this ship over my dead body!" Corso yelled.
Jack felt a slight breeze ruffle his hair. It was all that was needed to cause the hull of the ship to collapse.
On Corso.
Jack really should have seen that coming. Oh wait. He did.
*
Jack walked into Sam's lab. "I'm sure this is going to come as a shock to you, but Corso's dead."
Sam crawled out of a particularly large piece of ship innards and frowned. "Really?"
"Yep."
"Just now?"
"Five minutes before I walked through the gate."
"You're sure."
"Saw it myself."
Sam looked at her watch and sighed. "I'm losing my touch."
He really had no response to that.
Suddenly Sam looked up at him with a gleam in her eye. "So, Sir. Ever see the inside of a sub-light engine?"
